Damn You!

Damn you and your joyless, soulless, fearful life.

Damn you and your plausible and quite intriguing theories about a flat earth, the healing properties of urine and how a body can basically restore itself and live forever, if you abstain from eating anything tasty, indulgent, enjoyable or just simply fun.

Damn you and your weight-loss and young-looking skin.

You made it all seem so believable, how you can’t trust honey nowadays.

Because that’s now a thing, apparently…

The companies secretly mess with you and add sugar syrup.

This knowledge was devastating, because I’d pretty much switched to honey and it was working wonders, I’d even lost a modest amount of weight, without changing anything else in my diet or routine, just exchanged sugar for honey, in most of my diet.

I still use butter and double cream – “Dairy products = death!”.

I drink coffee – “Caffeine = death!”.

I drink alcohol – “Alcohol = Anonymous or death!”.

I enjoy meat – “Meat = Murder (and death!).

But, you…

You persuaded me, not that I would ever admit it to your face, no, never.

I’ve just quietly stopped drinking coffee, not because I was avoiding caffeine, but because it just doesn’t taste right without honey. I can’t trust that local honey I just bought, because it’s probably got sugar syrup in it, And I’m not just saying that, I actually tried my coffee without honey this morning and it wasn’t good.

Anyway… You made me go against my instincts, because I read that label thoroughly, (yes, you got to me there as well!) every letter and that label shouted


I even read the small print, which again, assured me it was completely and utterly pure. It was a craftsy slightly off-centre label, which may, or not, be a marketing ploy. I believed it was pure honey…

But I’ve been avoiding it FOR A WEEK, because of you.

Last night I found out how to tell whether or not your honey contains sugar syrup. You put it in the fridge overnight then if it has sugar syrup added, it will have separated and it would pour out runny/thin, if it is slightly thicker than when it went in, it’s pure.

So, honey was dutifully placed in the fridge and in the morning, it was thicker.

Pure honey! I felt vindicated at first, but then I realised that I had allowed myself to stray from my own beliefs and my own intuition and I had taken someone else’s word. I put an extra spoonful of honey in my coffee, made some toast with butter and slathered honey on it.

Luckily, my punishment had already been served. One week without honey!


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