Fool-proof, not Millennial-proof

So some of you might know that I have been sharing my house with a Millennial and now that he’s moved out, I am going to share some of my experiences. Now I’m not suggesting that all millennials are the same, nor am I suggesting that it’s necessarily their fault, but over the past month… Let’s just say, living with one is not something I would like to repeat at any stage in my future and I have intense sympathy for anyone who has one in their house and simply can’t get rid 🙂


“For my groceries, I have a completely foolproof system,” I told  Millennial.

“When something runs out, or I use the last of something or even if I notice something is running low, I write it on the chalk board, here” I pointed to the large chalkboard on the kitchen wall.

“Then, when I go shopping, I simply take a photo of the board and take it to the supermarket.”

Millennial nods.

I then explained in detail, how chalk works and requested that he use the board, so that things don’t run out.

Millennial, annoyed that I’m treating him like an idiot, sighs.

I assumed the system was clear and had been explained.

So last week, I was away for the week in London.

Did I mention I met Idris Elba? 🙂

idris

On my way home, figuring that he’d eaten me out of house and home, I stopped off at the supermarket and I phoned Millennial and asked what I needed to buy.

“Eggs,” came the immediate reply.

This seemed odd as it had been a whole week and I suspected he’d eaten more than eggs, so I prompted, “Are you sure that’s all? Take a look at the board.”

“Self-raising flour,” came the response – which was what I’d written before I left.

“Are you sure that’s all? How about cooked meats? Freezer stuff?”

“Yeah, that,” came the reply.

So the list grew.

Eventually after being assured that that was absolutely it – the ‘for fuck’s sake, why are you so obsessed with bloody lists, you control freak’ totally implicit in his tone of voice – I hung up the phone and started shopping.

I was looking forward to a good-to-be-home-celebratory-table-picnic of all my favourite things, junk food, the Ben & Jerry’s from the freezer etc etc.

(I very nearly bought a new tub, but as money was a little tight, I figured, he would definitely have told me had he eaten my B&J’s, so I didn’t buy any. I also thought the dog food was probably close to finishing, but a new bag wouldn’t harm, so I bought some dog food anyway.)

So I got home and the first thing I did was feed the dog, there was barely enough to feed her and I queried this with Millennial, to which the reply came,

“Oh yeah, I thought there was another bag there.”

“That was the spare bag, Millennial, there is clearly no further bags in the cupboard or you would have seen them.”

“My bad,” says Millennial.

I did not rise, even though I really wanted to beat Millennial over the head with the bag of dog food.

I simply let it lie.

Midway through my ‘Yay, I’m home’ table picnic,

picnic

I grew a conscience and decided to do a yoghurt/granola snack as a palate cleanser instead of opening another pack of skittles.

I go into the kitchen, NO GRANOLA.

Again I let this slide. In fact, I let many small items slide until, I decided to attack the eagerly awaited Ben & Jerry’s.

I know you’re all ahead of me and you know that there would be no Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer, but honestly,

I thought there’s no way Millennial would have eaten an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and still not mention it when asked, what food items have you eaten this week?

So imagine my horror when there was no ice cream in the freezer!

In the ensuing, quite shouty, argument, when I refused to accept ‘my bad’ as a response once more, I asked him, why on earth he didn’t mention it, WHEN I WAS IN THE SUPERMARKET and had the ability to buy some more?

To which he replied, “Oh, I forgot.”

I pointed out (ok, I screamed) that that was why there was a foolproof board system in place, so that one didn’t have to remember! One could simply write it down! But by this time, Millennial had stormed off and was upstairs radiating the ‘I dunno why you’re so bent out of shape’ vibe, as if I was the one who was being totally unreasonable!!!

Over the next two days, the board quickly filled up with items that had been consumed during the week and not written down. All of which I could very easily have bought in the supermarket.

For the life of me, I can’t understand how someone is completely unable to notice that they’d used the last of the milk or eaten all the cheese and find it totally impossible to write the words ‘milk’ and ‘cheese’ on the board.

I know that in the grand scheme of things , what with POTUS 45, Syria, impending WW3 and all, this is quite a first world, insignificant thing, but…

How complicated is it, FFS?

Clearly far too complicated for Millennials.

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